We knew that 2009 was going to be a year of great changes, personally and generally, but I had no idea what that would become. Tentatively, I have begun to look back over the past twelve months, being gentle and painstaking in my traverse. There is a lot of hurt here, as well as joy and triumph, and I am still a little fragile even now. I can't deal with a lot of in-depth soul-searching, and I don't want to relive the madness I endured over the summer, but I can at least acknowledge the process and rebuild that sense of wonder I felt at the way things work out. I need to remember that things always work out.
I mentioned the other day to my wife that I had noticed how things seemed to be consistently going our way; nothing major or huge, just a series of little things that have resolved in our favour, a progression that has made me begin to wonder when I should start expecting the other shoe. She replied that this is not something to be amazed at; now that we aren't fighting it, and allowing the flow to work, this is how things should have been all along. I felt a little ashamed. I felt cheated of the years, all the time spent resisting the good stuff. I felt that I had let my wife down.
She would say, though, that everything happens in its' time. She would say that there is no blame. She would say that the moment is all that matters. And she would be correct.
I have learned so much this year, and I am a happier, stronger, more contented person because of it. I am pleased at the way things have turned out, but still I feel a small sense of disappointment, as if something is holding me back. Something is blocked. It is a subtle one, this feeling, and I had not really noticed it until I wrote it down just now. Stephen King says that people don't really know what they think until they write it down, and I have been surprised by this phenomenon ever since I read that. Still, I will give this some thought over the weekend and discuss it with my wife at some point.
I don't want the ride to end. Things are going great just now, and I think my fear is that this is only temporary bliss before the next round of horror. I am resolved, however, to ensure that clarity, peace, and balance remain my watchwords, now and forever more.
Despite the clouds on the global horizon, which we are well aware of, there remains joy to be found in the simplest of things. And we notice these.
We will continue, and improve, and be blessed in all things.
I mentioned the other day to my wife that I had noticed how things seemed to be consistently going our way; nothing major or huge, just a series of little things that have resolved in our favour, a progression that has made me begin to wonder when I should start expecting the other shoe. She replied that this is not something to be amazed at; now that we aren't fighting it, and allowing the flow to work, this is how things should have been all along. I felt a little ashamed. I felt cheated of the years, all the time spent resisting the good stuff. I felt that I had let my wife down.
She would say, though, that everything happens in its' time. She would say that there is no blame. She would say that the moment is all that matters. And she would be correct.
I have learned so much this year, and I am a happier, stronger, more contented person because of it. I am pleased at the way things have turned out, but still I feel a small sense of disappointment, as if something is holding me back. Something is blocked. It is a subtle one, this feeling, and I had not really noticed it until I wrote it down just now. Stephen King says that people don't really know what they think until they write it down, and I have been surprised by this phenomenon ever since I read that. Still, I will give this some thought over the weekend and discuss it with my wife at some point.
I don't want the ride to end. Things are going great just now, and I think my fear is that this is only temporary bliss before the next round of horror. I am resolved, however, to ensure that clarity, peace, and balance remain my watchwords, now and forever more.
Despite the clouds on the global horizon, which we are well aware of, there remains joy to be found in the simplest of things. And we notice these.
We will continue, and improve, and be blessed in all things.
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