The Ghost Of Failure Past

What an amazing thing.

Since my post earlier today, I was able to track down my ex and speak with her on the phone.

It was a little weird to talk to her. It has been twelve years since we split up. She is married and has a child, but I could still hear the voice of the woman I knew.

She was able to tell me that, way back when, she left because of her, not because of me. She was too young for a long-term relationship, she hadn't done any living at all, and she felt smothered. Not by me, but by the constraints placed upon her by the fact that we were together.

She suggested that if I had anything at all to do with her decisions, it would have only been because of my tendency to over-analyse things in my effort to fully understand them. This, she felt, made things even more confusing for her at a time in her life when things were already confusing enough.

We exchanged pleasantries and general news about people we knew mutually. At the end of things, I thanked her for her insight and time. She said she didn't know if she had helped any, since I seemed to already have most of the answers I was looking for.

I wish I knew what they were.

The bottom line is that, whatever went on, I may not have been as responsible for the break-up as I first suspected. I may not have unresolved issues from that time, per se, and current events and ancient history are the main evils at present. The middle ages are relatively issue-free. Sure they are.

The quest for equilibrium in a world that appears to not have any continues... but I am glad my ex is doing well.

Good for her.