So What If The House Is Messy???

I am about to embark on the next great adventure of my life.
You see, my wife is coming home.
We are both still going through our respective processes, but we can see where those are leading, and they are leading us back home, together.
We get the chance to start again, taking into account all that has happened, all that has changed, and all that has remained constant. This is a remarkable opportunity, to start over, knowing all that we know now, and getting to do things differently.
She and I have been talking a lot recently, and we have realised that the chance we have taken has worked. Her intuition is at the heart of this; without that, we would still be where we were, and that was not a good place to be for long. Despite the fact that we spent a very long time in that place, we have somehow been able to find a way out of it, and move toward something better. Something healthy.
Dark had been my dreams of late, wondering how this was going to go, where this was going to go, how I would survive it. Knowing now how she feels and what she has discovered over the past weeks, I feel like the nightmare has finally ended. I no longer carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, feeling like it is my responsibility to give a fuck when everyone else is having a good time and being reasonably carefree. My own insights into my part in how we got to where we did have shown me the error of my priorities, the foolishness of my focii, the poor judgement I used to arrive at my conclusions. And I can now move forward, leaving that self behind, acknowledging the sacrifices I made for the things I thought were important, but understanding that there are many other things that are actually important that now must be satisfied...

She asked me once, 'When do I get to be happy?' I did not have an answer for her, nor do I now; that is not my place. At the time, I felt like an enourmous bag of shit that she had got to the point of asking such a question. Her sorrow and unhappiness were pervading everything she did, and it went unchecked, unaddressed, for too long.
Since we reestablished contact last week, I have never seen her happier. Well, that is not true; once, long ago, back in the morning of our relationship, she was this happy. Then, something happened. The curtain fell, our lifestyle and its principles asserted its grip on us, and we passed into darkness for ten years.

She feels clean, healthy, renewed, reawakened, and reconnected to herself and the people around her. Her energy is purer, somehow, unfettered and no longer tainted by doubt or duty. I am falling in love with her all over again, and I am really looking forward to experiencing the process of discovering her anew.
She is everything to me, and I feel that now we are in a position where we can realise the potential of our pairing. There is so much to do, and we have so many plans....
And, she loves her wedding band, which fits perfectly.

I am not sure when she will be home. She was home yesterday, to see the cats and be with me; I had to send one of the cats on his way yesterday morning. LeStat was very ill, and wasn't going to come out of it on his own, and I tried everything to make him comfortable. But it was, it turned out, his time.
We miss him.
My wife is still working through some things, as am I, but she tells me she is nearly ready to come home and move forward with me into our future, a future I dared not hope to see. I am hopeful that she will take the time she needs, as much as she needs, but I do not think she will rush herself. There is no point, and as I have mentioned, she is in her own way brilliant. She knows what she is doing, and that is good enough for me.
I trust.
I believe.
I commit.
I wait, because the process must be satisfied. We have not come this far to do anything foolish.

I seem to be surrounded by love and light, and in part I have my wife to thank for that. What is between us has emerged stronger and better than it was, and we can certainly build something worthwhile on it.
For now, though, I am content to work on the house and know that we did the right thing.
I could not be happier.