Is This All That I Am?

It's been a rough ride so far.
Every day when I get up, there is that few seconds of wakeful forgetting, when I don't remember what I am doing or the situation I am in. The most horrible thing I have to deal with, for those few seconds, is the fact that I am getting up to go to a job a very much dislike. Then I remember, the wave collapses over me, and my job is shoved back out of the limelight as an irrelevancy.
I think back to those halcyon days, five months or so ago, when I thought everything was fine. Not that everything was perfect, mind; there were nagging little things that I was trying to resolve. But for the most part I thought we were speeding along quite nicely. I was reasonably happy. The thing is, those days seem so far away, lifetimes ago, and I can't quite believe that I ever had that sense of well-being, contentedness, and every-day comfort that was the norm then. It is almost as if it belonged to another person, and I have always been this, what I am now: broken, shameful, scared, remorseful, disappointed, and ever so sad.
I do not know what the future holds. I have my plans, my objectives, my challenges. I hope that my wife comes home someday, full of promise and optimism, ready to go forward with me. But I cannot see anything past the next few minutes, and that is a new and terrifying experience for me. I have always known what was happening, what was going to happen next, where I was going in my life. Now, everything is essentially on hold while I await... well, I do not know what I am waiting for. Whatever happens next, I suppose.
I love my wife more than my own life, and I hope she is finding what she seeks. As for me, I will be here, waiting for her to come home, until I am told she won't be.
I am so tired.