Dawn May Have Broken, Or Maybe Not

This has been the worst week yet.

If anyone has read this stuff, it should be clear that I am not doing so well, despite the fact that I understand what is going on and why it is happening. Insight and familiarity do nothing to assuage the hopeless feelings of loss that I am experiencing, and no matter how much I know, or think I know, I cannot deny that the emotional component of my situation demands recognition.

And so I must submit to it. Every day.

Still, it is not all black. What I am grieving for is the loss of what we once were, and the things that we did that made me so happy, and proud, and feel safe. I am grieving for the past that is slipping away, minute by minute, into that place where memory goes to die.
And this is as it should be, for a very good reason.

It has occured to me, and my wife concurs, that we cannot move forward together until we have rid ourselves of this past. The new cannot be installed until the old has been removed, for there is simply no room left. The new life we envisioned for ourselves, with a new approach and a different set of priorities, unfortunately has so many riders attached to it from the old ways that we aren't able to move on.

This, I think, is the lion's share of what is happening here. My wife's intuition has led us here, but she was unable to articulate exactly what was happening. She just knew that something had to. My analytical skills have, we suspect, provided something like an answer to this conundrum.

This is the essence of polarity work. The strongest magic, the purest spells, are always the result of two opposites working in unison. This is nothing against gay marriage or other arrangement; persons in those situations must be aware, though, that there will be limitations for them in their workings.

That being said, I have learned from my wife what her intentions are in the short-to-medium-term. She is finally getting out of the city and will be staying with a dear friend of ours, whom we both trust, for the next month or so until she can get a place of her own in town, close to her work. From there, we shall see what happens.

She wants to be kept abreast of what is going on with our house, and the things day-to-day that I get accomplished or have happen. I guess she doesn't need the distance I thought she did.

She tells me that what I need to do right now, is to find out who I am without all the anger, the anger that drove this mess in the first place that I have since, somehow, released.

I will do this. I will continue the process today.

I am going to see my uncle. He may have some answers for me.

Blessed Lammas.